Acceptance of Terms
By existing on this webpage, you have already agreed to these terms. Scrolling constitutes a binding contract. Blinking twice means you accept the cookies. We don't actually have cookies, but if we did, they'd be oatmeal raisin — the controversial kind.
Privacy & Data Collection
We collect absolutely zero data about you. We don't know who you are. We don't want to know who you are. Your secrets are safe — not because we're ethical, but because we don't want that kind of baggage in our lives...
Acceptable Use Policy
You may use this website for any purpose including but not limited to: reading, scrolling, vibing, pondering the nature of bureaucracy, showing your friends and saying "look at this weird thing," and quiet contemplation during your lunch break. Strictly prohibited activities include: printing this page on a dot matrix printer at 3 AM, or reading it aloud in a courtroom as evidence of anything.
Refund Policy
Since you paid $0.00 to access this page, you are entitled to a full refund of exactly $0.00. Refunds will be processed within 6-8 business centuries. Please allow additional time during peak existential crisis periods. We reserve the right to refund you in expired gift cards, smiles, or firm handshakes.
Limitation of Liability
We are not responsible for: eye strain from staring at these gradients too long, sudden urges to redesign your own website, existential dread triggered by reading legal-sounding text, or any accidental enlightenment that may occur. Side effects may include mild amusement, confusion, and an inexplicable craving for neon-colored beverages.
Amendments & Modifications
These policies may be updated at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. Changes will be communicated via telepathy, carrier pigeon, or an ominous feeling you get at 2:47 AM on a Tuesday. Continued use of your eyeballs after modifications constitutes acceptance.
Contact Us
If you have questions, concerns, or compliments about these policies, please write them on a piece of paper, fold it into a paper airplane, and throw it out the nearest window. Our team of highly trained birds will retrieve it. Average response time: never. Thank you for your patience and your faith in ornithology.